I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
