when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We had sex on a dog bed..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize