I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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