If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
