Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
