No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
