She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
