dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
