I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
