Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
