I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
