I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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