I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His hands were made for my vagina.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
