My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
