Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how can u be prego again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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