Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
