We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
