ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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