Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
