pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
