Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
