The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
