I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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