went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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