you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
