did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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