I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
