dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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