I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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