Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
