i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My balls are so social today.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
