Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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