he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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