dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
