I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk is a universal language darling
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
