You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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