My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
