we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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