he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
