Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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