but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
