He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
