Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
