I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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