Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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