I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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