When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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