I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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