it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
