I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize