Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
