you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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