I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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