This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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