I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
