I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
