Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I AM VODKA MAN
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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