Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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