she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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