Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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