Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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