I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
