Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
