life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
