there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
