Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
