We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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