This girl is more easily done than said...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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