My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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